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The Science Of Self Loathing

A fresh start for a useless age.


"Elf" gives me a lot of rage inside. 

A) It features that same mythology about the North Pole which I have railed against this entire month. 

B) Will Ferrell in annoying mode is like a pack of kittens begging for food at six in the morning. 

C) It is another thing that I once tried to parlay into something with a member of the female sex (VOTE MANGINA ME!) 

I just really really really dislike the movie. And I saw it in the theater, a land where dreams never come true and disappointment is on the menu. 

I think I mostly dislike this movie because it is trying very hard to be the next Christmas classic from the get go. It’s got enough of everything Christmas thrown in to give you diabetes of the eyes and bound you up with cheer for months. 

I also dislike how Jimmy Caan is in this and he doesn’t get shot at least once. Every movie I see featuring Jimmy Caan features him at least involved with one act of gun violence and this just sucks. Sure Peter Dinklage beats the shit out of Buddy The Elf, but that’s not good enough. Caan could’ve at least thrown a trash can at someone. 

1 year ago
  1. filmchris said: Can’t remember- does Caan throw a wildly inaccurate punch? Bite any knuckles, maybe?
  2. theoriginalcreature said: That movie makes me barf candy canes, and if I’m going to have a sore throat I’d rather it be from something else if you know what I’m saying ;) (yelling obscenities at senior citizens).
  3. stilltiedtothetracks said: Will Ferrell makes me want to throw reindeer poop at my television
  4. cokedupjesus posted this