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The Science Of Self Loathing

A fresh start for a useless age.

Investigators have found that the disease known as “Harlem Shake” was created in a lab by United State military scientists.

The “Shake” or “White Rush” as it is known in some suburban neighborhoods, was created in 1974 to create hysteria in the white Soviet populace in case of a full scale conflict between the two super powers.

Sources inside the government are saying that the “Shake” is a neurotoxin that escaped after Dr. Harold Beachum heard a song at his lab station and couldn’t stop shaking his “bootay.” The Mojave location was locked down, but not in time to stop the spread outside the facility due to a faulty generator and one ill-informed janitor who thought he was having a stroke.

There is no known cure for the “Harlem Shake” at this time and many have resorted to assisted suicide to soothe the pain of their loved ones. Beverly Willis, 42, of Sandusky, Ohio said that her son came home one day with a group of friends and proceeded to cover himself in toilet paper like a mummy while another friend wore the “Goosebumps” mask in some sort of “homosexual right of passage.” Willis left the premises shortly after, only to return hours later to find her house missing and a note reading “my God, what have I done.”

Researchers at the CDC are attempting to find a cure for the horrible disease and public opinion is doubtful at best. One source was quoted as saying, “This could be the end of the white race as we know it.”

However, many in the public are gleeful about the prospect of a world without white people. When asked for comment, this old black man shouted the stoop in front of his Watts business:

"It’s about damn time."

1 year ago
  1. spiralingsidewayz said: Suddenly life makes a little more sense.
  2. cokedupjesus posted this